Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Not your Elves

Make the elves in your campaign uglier and more interesting.

All elves . . .
  1. are clones of the same individual.  They look alike, sound alike, desire the same things . . .
  2. are made when a shadow is cast from a small, black, necromantic sun.
  3. are made when a lascivious, old wizard summoning a sexual servant loses "interest" before the spell is complete.
  4. are the children of nobles raised completely in the shade of fruit trees.
  5. are children that have grown up in magical slumber, thus they are child-like and wonder at the world.
  6. can't feel wind.
  7. eat only living creatures.
  8. are halflings who have lost their soul, which makes them grow tall and beautiful.
  9. sweat rose water under moonlight
  10. can't tie knots.
  11. remember important events by what they were touching at the time.
  12. are the result of two succubi mistakenly impregnating each other.
  13. have thumbs on the wrong side of their hands, and are clumsy.
  14. get paler as they age, until they are near transparent.
  15. faint at the sight of raw meat.
  16. curdle milk when they laugh.
  17. laugh about things that haven't happened yet.
  18. call every human by the first human name they learn.
  19. only sing when they're dying.
  20. have such a lust to watch people sleeping they will give up their own sleep to do it.
  21. can only see human children. adults are like ghosts and strange poltergeists to them.
  22. believe they own anything they've touched, and thus won't let you touch anything of theirs.
  23. are made, slowly, when people eat the meat of magic beasts.
  24. grow a second set of bones like we grow teeth, spitting up the old as yellowish paste.
  25. grow from the children of ascended saints.
  26. only remember a week at a time.
  27. forget everything that happens on a day that it rains.
  28. sing detailed songs about their sins.
  29. faint if they see their own reflection.
  30. shrink as they age.  Pixies and fairies are just old elves.


  1. 2 + 9 + 14 + 21

    But they're all disgustingly good

  2. oh my god these are glorious. Thank you.

  3. Thanks, it means a lot coming from you two makers of weird things : )

  4. Love it! Hope to see other races as well....

  5. Love 'em. I could run a whole campaign from #21 - with the addition that human adults can't see elves either. That might be especially fun with a group of younger (kid) players.

    My arm hair stood up from #16. :^)